by: Christina Botto
Whenever I speak with parents, one issue comes up over and over again.
Parents are frustrated because their teenager does not listen to them anymore.
The first reaction is to look for ways to get their adolescent child to obey them again.
You could regain control by restricting your teenager and forcing him to obey your authority. You can monitor their every move and bombard them with questions.
The teen will respond to your controlling actions by:
- Avoiding you
- Lying to you
- Becoming withdrawn
- Losing interest in schoolwork
- Consider running away from home
In addition, on the emotional side, your teen will be:
- Extremely frustrated
- Become very angry fast
- Feel confined
- Fight you on every issue
- Count the days until he is 18 and out of the house - and away from you.
Once parents realize that they no longer can control their teen’s every move and are tired of constantly arguing with their teenager, they look for advice on how to build a better, more respectful relationship with their adolescent child.
They want their son or daughter to come to them for advice - not just during their teen years but throughout their entire lives.
Parents want to let go, but are unsure how much or what to change in the way they interact with their teenage child.
They would like to let their teen be independent and give them space, but are wondering how much is enough – and where to draw the line.
Give your teen the chance to prove that he can handle certain situations:
- Allow them to decide what clothes to buy and wear
- Who their friends are (but get to know them)
- When to do their homework
- When to do their chores
Certainly still monitor your teen's actions, but do it from a distance.
You may discover that your teen is capable of making right choices and good decisions on their own – based on the principles you’ve already instilled in them.
With every right choice your trust in your teen's decision-making ability will grow, and it will become easier for you to give your teen a little more leeway.
For your teen, every inch you give is a boost to their self-confidence. In time, your teen will become more secure and capable.
On the other hand, you may discover that your teen lacks the confidence or ability to make decisions. He may not be able to resist peer pressure, or choose friends you are not so sure he should hang with.
As long as he is still living under your roof, you have the opportunity to help and provide guidance.
Instead of scolding or punishing him, point out what and where he went wrong and how to better handle this particular situation the next time.
Stick to discussing what went wrong; teach your child how to analyze facts and situations, and how to look past the obvious.
Your teen will gain increased confidence not only in him, but also in you and your advice – and will be more likely to ask for your help or guidance the next time.
About The Author
Christina Botto is a member of the National Writers Association and the author of Help Me With My Teenager! A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents That Works. She has also recently published a 3 volume series dealing with specific issues facing teens and parents today, Fitting The Pieces. The series contains unique insight into the minds of teens, with hundreds of interviews with teens and their parents – and practical advice on dealing with some of the biggest problems faced by parents with teens.
To learn more about these life-changing strategies to bring you and your teen closer together – and put an end to the frustration and madness of a dysfunctional parent-teen relationship, pick up your copy of Christina's Help Me With My Teenager! A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents That Works today.
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“This guide is a no nonsense "how-to" that is likely to save many relationships.”