Parenting A Teenager

You will be surprised to hear that very few teenagers actually like to argue. They're actually trying to ask questions in order to find out why we do things the way we do them. Teenagers are starting to get interested in life and what goes on around them. In their awkward way, they are attempting to get at the reason for our actions. They form opinions and naturally wonder if our way is the only way.
 
While "Do it this way" or "Because I said so" might have worked with our nine year old, for your teenager this is not reason enough anymore.

Due to the teen's lack of communication skills, their questions are easily perceived as criticism by parents - and we get defensive. Some teens give up easily, surprised by the parent's reaction, if they don't get the information they were after, while others just keep on trying - and parent and teen wind up in a heated argument.

Teenagers are also expanding their independence and will fight to have some input and control over their lives. They want to be able to make small decisions on their own, without the parent telling them how and when.

If your teen feels he is being controlled or pressured too much he will either resort to stubbornly ignoring you and your request, or he will argue.

In fact, your teen could get so focused on breaking out from under your control and pressure that nothing else will matter to him. For example, repeatedly asking your teen to do his homework could result in him not doing his homework at all - and your teen is not considering how this will affect his grades.

One way to avoid this type of stubborn opposition is to give some control to your teen by attaching a time limit to your request. "Please finish your homework before dinner," for example, and then don't mention it again until dinner time.

Allow your teen to make decisions on matters you know he can handle, and let your teenager know that you are ready and available if he needs help. Involving your teen in decisions about him does not take away a parent's power, but it shows your teen that you accept him as an individual and are ready to give him a chance. It also teaches your teenager that he can indeed work with you through important life decisions.

Give your teen responsibility by assigning tasks, but step back and let him handle the situation. There is a very good chance your teen will do the task differently than you would, and for some parents it will not be easy at all to let the teen try it a different way when you know what works.

Resist that urge, let your teen experiment - and try not to tell your teenager he is doing it wrong or that it will not work that way. Either your teen will prove to you that there is another way to come to the same result, or he will have to admit, after several wasted hours, that your way is the right way after all.

Overall, try not to answer with a quick "No" if your teenager approaches you with a request - and I know it's so easy, we are already stressed juggling job, household, and family. The last thing we need is something else to worry about. However, if you give your teen a chance and show him that you care, he will be willing to listen to you and your advice.

You will be surprised how quickly you see a difference in the way you and your teenager interact.

Are you tired of endless arguments? Get back in control without compromising your values or controlling your teenager with the help of Christina Botto's no nonsense, "how-to" book Help Me With My Teenager! A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents that Works.

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"The author guides parents through the necessary steps teens take while learning to become adults by making choices, good and bad. Christina gives real life examples of situations that cause parents a great deal of emotional stress and many excellent ways to respond that allow you to stick to your standards. This book really helped me stand back, stay objective, and keep a proper perspective while loving and teaching my teen. I highly recommend this book for any parent struggling with any type of negative teenage behavior".
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"My daughter is just becoming a teenager, and I am glad I purchased this book at this time. It has helped me to identify my enabling behaviors that maintain her dependence on me. I am now working to empower my daughter to become more independent in her decision making. This book is presented in a very logical format and the suggestions are easily implemented. I have never used punishment as a motivator with my daughter and now feel vindicated in that choice. I encourage parents of teens to get this book for a refreshingly alternative approach to interacting with our teens - treating them like the individuals that they are." - Kathy R., Massachusetts

"You may not personally need this info, but you may know someone else that could really use help with parenting their teenager, so please share it with all that are around teens. We all know that parents could use all the help we can give them!! Even if you don't need help with parenting your teenager at home, maybe you could use it at work, or someone else could use it at work. Try it if you do need it, don't think you will be disappointed!!"
Love, Sandy

Please share your thoughts, comments and suggestions in the Blog. Always love to hear from you! 

Do you need help with specific teenage issues?
Issues like letting your teen know you care? Or monitoring their activities without breaking their trust? Or perhaps even stronger issues like alcohol, drugs, or “the wrong crowd”? Then our new series Fitting the Pieces is exactly what you are looking for. More