parenting teenagers, raising adolescents, dealing with teens
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You find yourself begging your teenager to go places with the family. As soon as your teen gets into the car with you, he begins complaining about you or his life, and how miserable everything in his world is. In just a few minutes of being within the same five-foot radius of one another, the two of you are already in an argument.
There may have been times you regretted asking your teenager to join you on your daily activities. No matter where you go, or what you do, your teen seems to find something to complain about. You are purchasing the wrong items, the whole trip is “so ridiculous,” you are just the worst parent ever, and he hates his life!
You were always able to get along and had so much fun when you went out together, no matter what the activity was. Now you have to deal with an obstinate, argumentative and rebellious teenager. No matter what you do or how hard you try, you are unable to connect on any level with your child. You find yourself asking what you did wrong, where did your sweet baby go, and where did this hostile teenager come from?
Instead of getting frustrated or angry, remember that teens everywhere believe their life is just a depressing, revolting state of time and they wish everything from their parents, to their friends, to their clothes, to their body, was different.
Teenagers begin to reject all the things they relate to their childhood and being a child. They no longer want you to do things for them, or to be at their sports events. They stop following your advice because, in their mind, that would be the same as still being a child and not a growing adult.
Your teenager’s emotions will go up and down constantly while he is learning to be more independent and is trying to discover and recognize his individual personality.
Where is your teenager today, and where do you want him to be when he graduates high school? Think for a minute about this tremendous change. Reflect on all the various areas in which he will have to gain experience, and the decisions that he will have to learn to make.
Your son or daughter will have to learn everything from washing clothes to earning a living to handling personal relationships. He will have to decide if he will go to college, what his field of study will be, what profession he wants to pursue, and which college to go to. He will get a driver’s license, and will start going his own way instead of going along with the rest of the family.
In order to build a good relationship with your teenager, you need to realize these emotional changes your teen is going through. Give your teenager more and more responsibility and allow him to make more and more decisions about his life. Give him enough space to develop, while standing by to help.
Instead of telling your child what to do and expect him to listen, you will have a better relationship with your teenager if you change to a more management-like approach to parenting your teenager.
5 ways to build a better relationship with your teenager during this difficult time:
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- Treat your teenager like the individual he is
- Ask your teen's opinion first
- Don't judge or elaborate on your teen's failures. Instead, help your teenager to resolve problems
- Take time to listen
- Stay active in your teen's life
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During this time of extreme insecurity, it is very important to show your teenager that you care. Additionally, if you monitor your teenager the right way, he will appreciate your concern for his safety and well being.
Your support lessens the chances that he will make a mistake. Even if your teen does have a lapse in judgment, he will come to you before any part of the situation gets worse - if your teenager knows that you care and are ready to listen without judgment.
A teenager who is confident in your support will think situations through more clearly, be less prone to any form of peer pressure, and will therefore get into less trouble than a teenager who feels that he must deal with everything on his own.
As parents, we need to be there for our teenagers if they fail or make a wrong choice. We need to be careful not to underestimate our teenager and, at the same time, not to ask too much of them too soon, thus discouraging our teen from making decisions. We need to encourage and support our teenagers, and teach them that what they do will affect their future life.
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| Discover:
- How to get your teen to communicate with you again, even if all he ever says anymore is "Nothing"
- Understand the way your teenager perceives the world
- How to manage hot points such as clothes, driving, Internet, and other topics
- How to diffuse an especially explosive situation through humor, flexibility, and the ability to think outside the box
- How to be considered the coolest mom or dad on the block
- What you should never say to your teen
- Why your teenager needs you more than ever - even if he acts otherwise - find out more
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"While reading this book, I felt that the real stories the author shared helped me in realizing I'm not alone and that so many other parents were dealing with the same thing. The book helped me in approaching problems with my daughter in a different way."
M. Faett, Reston, VA
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Do you need help with specific issues?
Then our new series Fitting the Pieces is exactly what you are looking for. More
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| Audio Programs for Teens |
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parenting teenagers, raising adolescents, dealing with teens
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“As a parent of a teenager and a pre-teen, I found 'Help Me With My Teenager!' to be right on target. I like that Botto's focus is two-fold: the well being of the teenager, and the wellbeing of the parent-teen relationship. This guide is easy to read, and it dives right into solutions...Absolute Must Read!" full pdf review
Graciela Sholander, bookreviewers.org
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