Communication is the single most important aspect when parenting a teenager.
We can give them a sense of compassion, understanding, and support. We can listen to their opinion. We can peacefully discuss a situation.
On the other hand, we can convey to them that we are disappointed and angry about what they did. We can scold them for not doing what we told them to.
Parents need to consider that the way we respond to, or address, our teenagers will determine if they come to us for answers and advice in the future.
Your teenager will let you know when he is disappointed. He might even be insulted by the way the discussion is going or how he's being treated. He will not tell you directly, but with phrases such as:
“Whatever you say” or “You just don’t understand” before walking away. What these phrases really imply:
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- Your teenager thinks he has absolutely no input in matters that concern his daily activities
- Your teenager feels you are treating him like a child by not giving him a chance to state any of his thoughts on the subject at hand
- You are just not listening to your teenager at all
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Take a quick inventory of what was said and ask yourself where you cut your teenager off or out – or stopped listening to his side of the story. Comments like these are a big STOP sign.
If you cannot recall with what exactly you turned your teenager off, ask him.
Here is an example:
One day your teenager comes home from school and tells you that one of his friends started to smoke.
You can either tell your teen that he better not be smoking, and that if you ever catch him you will punish him one way or another.
Your teenager’s response in this case is going to be something like: ”Sure, dad,” and he will turn and walk away.
Now you wonder if your teen is planning to take up smoking and worry about it. Your teenager is frustrated because you treated him like a child by lecturing instead of listening.
These events will lead to a stressed relationship, constant confrontation, and total frustration for you as well as your teenager.
On the other hand, here is how you could find out what your teenager is thinking and how he sees the situation.
When your teenager approaches you with a story or lets you know about something a friend is doing, you can be assured that he has an opinion about the particular situation.
Seize the opportunity to find out your teenager’s values, thoughts, and opinions. Tell your teen that you are interested in his opinion and want to hear it.
If your teen knows that you care, he will be less hesitant to approach you the next time, and eager to talk about whatever is on his mind and discuss it with you.
Therefore, before getting angry, consider that your teen may have come to you about the “friend smoking” situation - |
- to talk about how disappointed he is in his friend
- how angry he is with his friend because he knows that smoking is unhealthy
- Your teen may want, or more importantly, may need you to tell him how proud you are of his choice not to smoke.
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| Find out:
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How to successfully engage your teenager to get him/her to talk
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How to sustain communications
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How to encourage your teenager to expound
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How to ensure these sessions are successful discussions and not arguments
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Find out more - Join the hundreds of parents who already experienced a change for the better: |
"Our home was a place of constant nagging and resentment, moans, groans, and conflict. This parenting book is helping me to not get angry at my teen; the conversation examples are extremely helpful. It is a VERY practical book that is not bogged down in theory. It has been a great inspiration to me and gives me the courage to face another day with my teen."
Ellen K., North Carolina |
"While my oldest is only ten years old, I immediately realized that this book could help me with raising her even before she officially becomes a teenager. I have already begun to experience some strains on our relationship, but this book gave me new insight and approaches that I alone would not have thought of."
Paul C., Florida |
Audio Programs for Teens Help your teen overcome his/her insecurity and build self-worth, cope with peer pressure, or improve his/her learning habits.
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