How do parents compete with what 'cool' friends dictate?
Whether it is harmless peer pressure such as how to dress, what brand of clothes to wear, or what electronic gadgets to have, to potentially harmful peer pressure such as drinking alcohol, using drugs, and sometimes even getting involved with gangs and unlawful activities, peer pressure is something teens and parents have to deal with.
What makes it even harder for teens is that most parents do not understand the depths to which these pressures go.
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Cigarettes and Alcohol
Cigarettes and alcohol more than likely will be among the first areas where your teenager will face peer pressure. With movies and television flashing images of underage smoking and drinking, most teenagers are shown only the more enjoyable and funny side of these habits.
High school years are very competitive, and where your teenager stands on the popular scale with the rest of his/her peers is very important to your teen. To be considered a “loser” is one of their biggest fears.
To avoid this label, teens sometimes will portray an image of being tough, rebellious, and uncontrolled by their parents, and smoking and drinking are the easiest ways to declare their independence.
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Sex
Every year the age at which teenagers begin having sex gets younger and younger. Some girls feel pressured into having sex in order to be popular or liked by boys. Boys who are not willing to have casual sex with several girls are considered weak.
Oral sex has become very popular among teens due to their belief that oral sex isn’t serious because there is no risk of pregnancy.
Be open with your teenager about all forms of sexual intercourse. Explain that there are other reasons not to become sexually involved too early. Besides worrying about pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and AIDS, remind your teenager that he/she also needs to consider pride and self-respect.
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Drugs
A more dangerous and potentially life-threatening pressure teens face is drugs. Marijuana is an inexpensive drug in today’s society, and most teenagers do not consider it harmful. Some believe it does not cause addiction, and teens don’t realize that it is the gateway to other drugs like cocaine, heroin, or methamphetamines.
To make matters worse, I’ve been told by some teens that there are instances where drug dealers provide cocaine – free of charge - at their parties. Combine the free cocaine with the teen’s curiosity, and you have a recipe for disaster. Teens don’t understand that one does not have to be a regular user in order to become addicted, especially when it comes to cocaine.
Parents need to be able to recognize signs of drug use in order to protect their child from becoming addicted to drugs, or to intervene if necessary. The longer a teen is using drugs, the harder it will be to stay sober after treatment.
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7 Reasons that put your teen at higher risk to give into peer pressure:
· Low self-importance
· Lack of confidence
· No particular interests or hobbies
· Feeling isolated from family
· Curiosity
· The need to “Fit In”
· Being made fun of or called a “loser”
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Ways to combat harmful peer pressure:
Your teenager may need encouragement to get involved in activities where he/she can find friends whose outlook and character are in line with your family's values.
Together, your child and his/her friends can give moral support to each other, which will make it much easier to resist negative peer pressure. By standing up for themselves and saying "no," they may give someone else the courage to do the same thing.
Discuss events, actions and their consequences often. This will help your child to make the right choices when the situation arises.
Although your teen may act as if he/she does not value your opinion, parents have tremendous influence over their teen's actions. Your teen is well aware of what you consider acceptable behavior, your value system, and the rules and limits you have set for your teen.
Telling your teenager not to give into these peer pressures will have little or no effect. Threats and punishment by parents put additional pressure on teenagers.
Now the teen is facing pressure from their peers on one side and threats from parents on the other. Trying to avoid or ease the stress of this push-and-pull situation between adhering to their parents' values, and the pressure peers are putting on him/her to break them, teenagers may avoid contact with their parents or lie to them.
Instead, convey to your teen that you understand the pressures he/she is facing. Offer open discussions about situations and incidents - without the threat of punishment or judgment.
Let your teen know you care about him/her, and focus on building a strong relationship based on trust and respect.
Emphasize that if your teen feels uneasy or unsure about doing something their friends suggest, he/she probably is about to do something that is wrong, maybe illegal, and possibly could have a lasting negative effect on their life.
Help your teen to realize that, although fitting in and not being called a loser is very serious and important to your teen, your son or daughter needs to set a limit to how much he/she will allow friends to influence their actions and – quite possibly – their future.
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"While reading this book, I felt that the real stories the author shared helped me in realizing I'm not alone and that so many other parents were dealing with the same thing. The book helped me in approaching problems with my daughter in a different way."
M. Faett, Reston, VA
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parenting teens, teen behavior, parenting book, advice parenting teens
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parenting teens, teen behavior, parenting book, advice parenting teens
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