How Can Parents Help a Teen Get Back on Track in School
A mom on our forum seeks advice: Before I start info on my kid: 15, Th grade, on JV soccer team, sophomore class president, Very social, Honors English, AP world History, grades not bad, but not near where they could/should be. Also, I'm a single mom.
I'm so confused. I used to think that schoolwork issues were easy. Your kid is not doing the work... punishment. Call/email the teacher, call conferences ground the kid on and on...
I never miss an Open House I even have a binder I put my own copies of every syllabus, etc... handed out so i can grab it and show my daughter look at this. I was proud of that notebook, It showed my daughter what a caring and involved parent I was and of course look out I know what the deal is, kid! It made me feel good about my parenting.
Now, I'm so confused one day a thought popped into my head after the WH teacher emailed all of the parents about making sure our kids studied more. I thought WTH? Why do *I* have to make sure a 10th grader studies, does her work? Shouldn't she learn natural consequences? I won't be there when she's away at college to make her study.
BUT do I just wash my hands of this and let her deal with her natural consequences? I guess that would be a low GPA, failing a class?? WH is a hard class I used to read the chapters she was working on (I even emailed the teacher for the actual assignments b/c my daughter was never clear about that) Oh, the SHAME. Now I tell her if she asks me ahead of time I will read and *help* her study, but only if she asks.
And now the county gives parents access (internet) to each teacher's grade book. So now I can see the real story I never got in the past except at conferences.
I had a policy of I would check the site every so often and if she'd made a 0 (obviously hadn't turned in work) I'd ground her. Low grades on tests, etc... even F's hello natural consequences. OK natural consequences does this even register with a 15 yo kid? Probably not. It's terrible but I'm starting to wish she'd get held back this year.
I feel so confused, stupid, alone. What is the right thing to do? There has been so much screaming and stress. Tonight I was going to try calmness. I think I actually showed my utter wussiness.
Today her geometry teacher left a message on our machine, ____ hasn't brought her book to class the last 6 times, isn't bringing tools, is talking...
When she got home I had her listen to it. I expected her to make excuses, but this floored me. Her book is too heavy and I she uses the classroom one. She says she's not doing it!!!
I say OK, but you did hear the part where your teacher wants you to bring *your* book to class, apparently teacher doesn't care if there's a class book. Says she doesn't care not bringing the book!
I grit my teeth natural consequence I tell myself. Meanwhile she's on her phone all night texting/talking not a care in the world. and I feel like crying.
Denise's thoughts: She seems to have hit some type of speed bump in her school work, so yes, you will have to step in and put her back on the right road. Natural consequences work, I'd say, about 85% of the time. The other 15% parents have the responsibility to steer.
Give her an action plan, using a parenting contract, where she has the responsibility of getting good grades daily, doing her work and you get no calls from teachers. You will check-in with the school on the computer, if all is well, she keeps her cell phone until 9 or 10. If it is not, you take the cell for 24 hours, when you check-in again.
Be sure to explain that you are doing this so that she has her independence when it comes to school, but you have to expect certain grades.
Good luck and know that the other side of this is a happier teen and a happier you.
Asking our parenting community: Has your teen ever wander off the 'good kid' path? How did you get them back on track? Please share your thoughts, stories and advice in the comments area.
Thu, 02 Feb 2012 08:00:08 +0000
Volunteer Activities for Teens
Is your teen's youth organization looking for places to do a service project? Are you and your teen looking for an activity with meaning that you can do together? Pick one of these local programs and give them a call. Not only will you be able to help others but you will bond as a family, teach your teen a new perspective on life and most likely find something you both enjoy doing... read more about volunteer activities for teens here.
More: How to Talk to Your Teen About the Future | How to Promote a Positive Volunteer Experience
Wed, 01 Feb 2012 07:00:20 +0000
Best Websites for Parents and Teens
The About.com Readers' Choice Awards is an annual event where About.com readers can nominate and vote on the best of the best in hundreds of different categories. Nominations are currently being accepted. You can nominated your choice as many times as you wish. Nominations will be open until Wednesday, Feb. 15. Then, I'll tally up the votes and choose up to five finalists in each category. Finalists will be posted Wednesday, Feb. 22. You'll have four weeks -- until Wednesday, March 21 -- to vote for the winner in each categories. I'll announce the first place winners on Friday, March 30.
While some say there is no 'prize' just bragging rights, I will be creating a page for every nominee and winner that will be promoted here throughout the next year. So get your nominations in for your favorite!
Tue, 31 Jan 2012 06:59:01 +0000
How Well Do You Really Know Your Teen?
An important goal when communicating with teens is talking with them just to talk. This helps build and strengthen the bond between you. While it can be hard 'just to talk' with a teenager, it is possible! Stay involved in things that interest them, make a favorite meal with dessert or text them on their cell phone. These times offer an opportunity for you start a conversation and get to know your teen as he/she becomes the person he/she is going to be.
Take our quiz and see just how well you really know your teen. Jot down some of the questions you aren't sure of and put them in your next conversation.
Tue, 31 Jan 2012 06:40:53 +0000
Winter Activities for Teens - Week Eleven
These winter activities for teens can be done individually, with friends or with the whole family. Each week has four different types of teen winter activities: Make This (Recipe), Craft This, Learn How and Get Out and Go! Each activity idea is fun for your teen.
Mon, 30 Jan 2012 08:45:51 +0000
Helping Teens Cope with Loneliness
Coping with loneliness is a very important skill on my list of needed independent living skills for teens because every teen I've ever known has needed it. It doesn't matter if they are going to college, starting a new job and moving into an apartment or getting married. Leaving your childhood home and being on your own for the first time will cause some level of loneliness. Teens who know how to recognize loneliness as the temporary feeling it is, use their support system and work through their loneliness do just fine... read more.
More: 15 Skills Your Teen Needs to Be Successful at Living Independently | 5 Steps to Good Decision-Making Skills for Teens
Mon, 30 Jan 2012 07:45:11 +0000
Is Beer Pong at 18-Year-Old Birthday Party a Good Idea? This Father of a Teen Wants to Know
A Dad on our forum: "My Daughter is turning 18 next month. She wants to have beer pong at her party. We've been on vacation where I allowed her to have a few drinks. From time to time I'll let her have a sip. We have also had (many) talks about the dangers of alcohol. My parents absolutely prohibited me from drinking when I was a teenager and in rebellion I drank anyway and it became a long time problem. I don't want to make a "big deal" about it, like my parents did, but I am concerned about the consequences if I decide to let her have the beer pong...both moral and legal... Let's set aside the law for minute and responsibility if someone get injured.
What are your thoughts from a moral perspective on underage drinking?"
Denise's thoughts: "Morally, you may not allow other teens to drink - it's not your right. Are you going to call every parent of each teen who comes to this party and let them in on the fact that they will be allowed to not only drink but drink to access playing games such as beer pong?
You cannot set aside the law for minute and the responsibility if someone gets injured because both are very real. Allowing your daughter to drink in your presence is legal in most states, maybe all? But allowing her to get drunk is child neglect.
Don't go to the other extreme because your parents were too strict. You can still have a great relationship with your daughter, but you have to be her parent, not her friend or you are going to lose her respect. "
Asking our community of parents of teens: Would you let your teen host a party were beer pong was being played? Would you allow your teen to attend a party with that type of drinking? Please share your advice, experiences and opinions in the comments area.
Fri, 27 Jan 2012 09:37:43 +0000
My teen wants to drop out of high school. What do I do?
The decision to drop out of school is a major life decision that your teen may not see that way due to their lack of life experiences. Nevertheless, it ultimately is your teen's decision.... read more.
Thu, 26 Jan 2012 10:37:58 +0000
Party Favor Ideas: Sports Fan Party Favors
Often sports themed parties for teens revolved around a sports team. See all of our sports party favor ideas with pictures here.
Wed, 25 Jan 2012 08:32:26 +0000
Best Books for Parents and Teens, Nominate Your Favorites
The About.com Readers' Choice Awards is an annual event where About.com readers can nominate and vote on the best of the best in hundreds of different categories. Nominations are currently being accepted. You can nominated your choice as many times as you wish. Nominations will be open until Wednesday, Feb. 15. Then, I'll tally up the votes and choose up to five finalists in each category. Finalists will be posted Wednesday, Feb. 22. You'll have four weeks -- until Wednesday, March 21 -- to vote for the winner in each categories. I'll announce the first place winners on Friday, March 30.
While some say there is no 'prize' just bragging rights, I will be creating a page for every nominee and winner that will be promoted here throughout the next year. So get your nominations in for your favorite!
Tue, 24 Jan 2012 07:10:54 +0000
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